Zero Fucks

Who Knows Who Cares(:? Lately the only thing that keeps me motivated is the fact that one day I will no longer have to live here or this way. I am a dreamer, usually my dreams are tied with music. When I listen to Local Natives “Who Knows Who Cares” I feel like there is absolutely nothing I cannot do. Honestly, for once I am ready to take on all of my dreams head on. That started with this blog. I desire to be a writer, in every way possible. There is nothing that I am uninterested in writing about. Portland, Oregon will soon be my HOME. For where I have lived is nothing but a black-hole, that will not be taking this girl down with it. Why Portland, who knows? Who cares? Simply because I WANT TO! And quite frankly, no one is coming with me.

I didn’t want to post personal things. However my life is quite interesting, documenting it could be fun. I cannot lose myself again. Drugs. Boys. Theft. Dad. How do you know if you are in love? How do you know if they are in love? When your mind changes every hour… I struggle. Am I afraid or is this just not meant to be? The claims of purity, of sincere infatuation with me or no longer being followed up with your feet. Actions speak louder than words. I can not see what you intended to just what you did do. Even though some might consider being with you self-mutilation I chose to proceed with this relationship. The tools I have gained through out my life will be used towards attempting to heal this very broken relationship. Of course a relationship involves two people, meaning that the other must put forth effort as well. As the saying goes it takes two to tango. “Sometimes love just is not enough.” This song pertains to my life all too well at this point. Dallas Green knows how to put my indescribable feelings in to words. Tears fill my eyes as I realize despite my efforts, some things just are not right. Despite my desires things don’t always go as they should. I will just be and sure enough I will see. In my heart I will be reassured of what I need to do.

I love you just a little too much. They obsess not love. Drugs not humans. I love the thrill of the rush. Chaos. Pain. This song hits way too home for me. I love Lana Del Rey as she sings stories bringing up my past and nightmare of a present. With almost an eerie sound to this song, it excites me for the future…

You spot an attractive human that looks back at you and that feeling overwhelms your stomach and shakes your nerves. I listen to Tennis and get that same feeling. This song in particular makes me want to fall in love. Not just be comfortable with someone and know that person well. Neither an obsession or an infatuation. No, an uncontrollable feeling intruding and dominating your logical reasoning. However hard the attempt of ridding those emotions, it being impossible. Your pressing desires are forgotten as they no longer seem important. My favorite song by them so simply called “Pigeon”. Yumm.

I adore Youth Lagoon. “17” reminds me of how small, and happily insignificant I am. “Don’t stop imagining, the day that you do is the day that you die.” My hope is to never stop creating through whichever outlet I so choose. Dance throughout my entire apartment naked kind of song, happy.